I refrained from using the term ‘titillate’ anywhere. (Except the title.)

Pablo Picasso, Maternity, 1905

Facebook was recently in the news for its monumentally stupid policy that photos of mothers breastfeeding their babies violate the site’s terms of service and are therefore fair game for deletion when discovered. I say “stupid” mainly because, if there’s one thing everyone should know full well, it’s that you don’t mess with the breastfeeding brigade. Breastfeeding mamas can be hardcore– there’s a reason the term Breastfeeding Nazi exists. At the slightest hint that you think breastfeeding should be kept private, it’s on, man, and they will boycott you, organize protests, slam you in the media, accuse you of sexism and oppression, do whatever it takes until you’re on your knees practically begging women to whip out their boobs and feed their kids in your store or on your premises or wherever the kerfuffle began. It is not smart to take them on.

Anyway, Facebook maintains that it only deletes photos where actual nipple can be seen, but that doesn’t appease the 87,000 members of the group “Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene!” or the 11,000 women who recently changed their profile pictures to photos of themselves breastfeeding in protest of the policy. So far Facebook is holding strong, but we’ll see how long it lasts. I would imagine it may decide it’s not worth the trouble to stick to these particular guns; the phrase pick your battles comes to mind.

This is just the latest example of the great breastfeeding-is-natural-get-over-it versus keep-it-to-yourself-ladies debate. In just my recent memory, I recall dust-ups over refusal to allow women to breastfeed in a public pool (yeah– in the pool) and in an H&M store. In all these cases, it’s rare to find someone who’s not staunchly entrenched in either one camp or the other, something especially noticeable if you read the often vicious comments on any news article on the subject. People seem to either believe women are justified in exposing their breasts anywhere and everywhere, as long as there is a small child attached to them, or they believe women should be confined to dark, secret places if there’s even a hint their mammaries might start flowing. There hardly seems to be a middle ground. (Sadly, based purely on my anecdotal observations of these debates, it appears that the first group is comprised primarily of women, and the second mostly of men.)

Really, it doesn’t seem like a photo of a breastfeeding mother or seeing a mom nursing her kid in public is something to get worked up about. As breastfeeding advocates will tell you, breastfeeding is not obscene– it’s a mother providing nourishment to her child. And babies, as any mom will tell you, need to eat long and often. Unless mothers want to restrict themselves to only brief jaunts outside their home, or resign themselves to disappearing into the bathroom for 45 minutes at a time whenever kiddo gets hungry, nursing in public is inevitable. So, big deal, you might see some sideboob– you also might see that if a woman wears a low-cut shirt. You probably see more breast revealed at the beach. Avert your eyes if you feel uncomfortable; there’s no requirement to stare. And, honestly, is seeing a breast such a big deal? Can we not get over our obsession with these roundish hunks of flesh that hang from women’s chests? Half the population has ‘em… jeez, even some men do.

At the same time, our pornified society has sexualized breasts to such a ridiculous degree that I don’t know if there’s any coming back from it. Breasts have ceased to be seen as sources of a child’s nourishment– they are seen almost exclusively as sources of a man’s (or, hey, a woman’s) excitement and pleasure. You’d be hard pressed to find a straight man alive, no matter how intelligent or dignified or respectful of women, who doesn’t become reduced to a slobbering caveman-esque mass of pure sexual urges at the sight of a pair of breasts– well, at the sight of the right pair of breasts, that is; let’s not overlook why the market for implanting gigantic chemical balls in a woman’s chest continues to boom. (I suppose I should say that women are complicit in this as well– after all, we’re the ones who actually get the damn implants, who buy the push-up bras, who flaunt our cleavage. Give ‘em what they want, I guess.)

So it is fair to say that no one should be distracted or shocked by the sight of a bare breast in public, even if it is for the sole purpose of filling a baby’s stomach? Are breasts just another part of the body when they’re feeding our children, but the be-all and end-all of a woman’s sexuality when tanned and oiled up and inflated to absurd sizes? Can we have it both ways?

The cynical part of me suspects the reason some men object to women breastfeeding in public is precisely because it reduces breasts’ sexualization, because it returns them to being what they are– vehicles for baby food– rather than objects of a man’s sexual pleasure. Hard to get turned on by a great set of tits after you’ve seen them in action, delivering Junior’s lunch. The even more cynical part of me suspects it would be okay with some men as long as the rack being exposed met their standards of attractiveness– Hey, Angelina, nurse those babies right over here, next to me! Can I help you get a good latch going?– but that the typical breastfeeding boob– saggy and veiny and large-nippled– is just plain a turn-off, so put it AWAY, please god, quick! It’s the same mentality that makes people complain that the women you see on the topless beach are never those you actually, you know, want to see on the topless beach.

There are some women who are against the practice as well, perhaps suspecting their brazenly breastfeeding sisters are just exhibitionists at heart. (That’s just silly; everyone knows exhibitionists can get far more satisfaction with a digital camera and a Flickr account.)

Opponents on the other side of the debate can be just as quick to judge, though. If you, as a woman, decide you don’t want to expose your breasts to the world when nursing, you might be seen as repressed or helping to stigmatize breastfeeding or otherwise being a bad feminist. As someone days away from having to decide how to handle this dilemma myself, my personal solution was to buy one of these contraptions, which seems a reasonably discreet option that won’t force me to find a room with a closed door every two hours. (Plus, it’s really cute.) Little did I know that by my choice, I was relegating women back to the dark ages. Sigh.

No matter. When I was seven months pregnant, I had some photos taken, on the off-chance I’d actually want to remember my body being all round and full-of-life (jury’s still out on that one). The photographer asked me to come back after the baby was born– he wants to take some breastfeeding shots, thinks they can be really beautiful and artistic. I think he’s right. I’ll probably do it.

Just don’t look for them on Facebook.

 
Addendum: Sometimes WordPress throws on automatically generated links below a blog post that are supposed to be related content. I’ve noticed all the ones it’s been attaching to this post are porn-related. Awesome. But thanks for sorta proving my point, WordPress.