I’ve been prickly and on-edge the past couple of days. I don’t know why, and it’s bothering me. Yesterday I left a cranky comment on my favourite blog, which I immediately regretted because fighting online is about as productive as trying to convince my cat not to eat my plants: you can put as much effort into it as you possibly can, but it’s not going to change a damn thing and you’ll just end up tired and frustrated and angry. One comment may seem like a minor thing to worry about, given that some people’s whole raison d’être is to be nasty online…
…but I do my best not to be (intentionally) rude or unpleasant and not to write anything that will come back to haunt me later (I’ve been down that path before, trust me, and it ain’t a pretty one). In my defense, (a) I was having a supremely crappy morning, feeling very unsettled and moody and distressed, which exacerbated (b) me feeling I had a legitimate claim to be hurt, but that doesn’t factor in that (c) it was still snarky, and (d) that online communities, unlike loved ones and sometimes friends, tend not to care what kind of a day you are having or what your mental state might be at the moment and immediately pounce on anything questionable you say to rip apart. And that’s exactly what happened, once a couple of other people chimed in… you know how once a snowball starts rolling down the hill it’s hard to stop. I somehow managed to suppress the urge to take part in the complete disintegration of civility in the forum that resulted, because, you know, I don’t want to be this guy:
No one likes that guy. That guy’s an ass.
Sometimes it’s tough to keep quiet, though. I’m not saying I’m always right (far from it– that probably happens less often than the alternative), but it frustrates me to not be able to explain myself so that people see things my way… not to agree with me, but to understand where I am coming from. And there’s really very little I hate more than being lectured or scolded, especially by anyone who did not give birth to me, and extra-especially by someone with whom I vehemently disagree on so very many levels… it’s condescending and sanctimonious. But again… I’m not going to win the battle to stop my cat eating the plants, so I may as well give up in advance and save myself the headache.
Online forums and blogs are so strange: in some ways you can be more yourself than you can in real life (particularly if you’re shy and awkward and better at writing than you are at fumbling out words in person), but in another sense you’re so limited in how you can express yourself, how you appear. There’s no body language, no tone of voice, no facial expressions (because, please, smileys are lame– even though I use them myself– and can be used sarcastically anyway)… you can’t tell if someone is kidding or being irreverent or being legitimately nasty. Misunderstandings abound. Something that might be charming or funny in person can come out cold or bitchy or overbearing online. I wrote something today in a completely facetious and teasing manner, then went back to read it later and realized, “Ohhhhhhh, that can SO be interpreted the wrong way.” And of course… once it’s out there in Internet Land, it’s out there– you better be willing and able to own it.
None of that changes the fact that I still feel prickly and on-edge… in fact, all it does is add to it. There’s a big storm rolling in tonight… I wonder if that’s partly to blame. (In fact, I know it is: I’ve got an awful lot to do this weekend, and I need to leave the house for much of it. I don’t want a blizzard to change my plans.) I’m uneasy and unsettled. Something feels… not right.
I better stay away from online discussions.
on a lighter note:
I arrived in Bolivia as a Mormon Missionary. I lived there for two years. I returned to the States but my love for Bolivia, and a girl I met there, took me back two years later. I spent another two years there and married the aforementioned girl.
I love Bolivia and the current plan is to retire there.
You should hide under the bed during a bad storm, like animals do.
Most people are stupid. The internet is a place for them to meet.
Sometimes I think the internets get a bad rap for uncivilized behavior. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There are jerks on the internet. There is no shortage of people who take passive-aggressive pot-shots like it’s their job, and there are people who take the concept of snark to previously inimagined levels.
But… there are jerks in real life, too. Some jerks feel comfortable being asses online, some jerks feel comfortable being asses face-to-face. (Of course, a select few that grace the earth are willing to be asses in both formats.) But regardless of format, they’re all jerks underneath.
And of course, there are great opportunities for misunderstanding or misinterpretation online… but that still holds true for face-to-face conversations. God knows we’ve all misinterpreted what people mean to say even when we’re watching their facial expressions and body language. Basically, humans suck at interacting and we’ll continue to do so until we master telepathy.
At which point we’ll all hate one another, since we know exactly what everyone else is thinking.
So what did I do now???
Hehe, I know exactly what you’re talking about, especially in regards to that specific online community.
I made a few comments last week on an entry, threw my hat into the proverbial ring so to speak, and the onslaught that ensued blew my mind.
My comment was by no means meant to be offensive and I surely wasn’t trying to be the bad guy (i never am) but I’d have to assume that what I said was taken out of context by a few regular readers and all of a sudden it was hate on Ian day @ matthewgood.org.
It’s frustrating because you have to keep checking in to see how many more people have berated you for what you said as an innocent, no harm meant type of comment. All of the constant defending yourself and restating of what you actually meant. I just want to reach through the monitor and strangle people sometimes. Or find their address on the net, show up at their door and slap them silly.
Ah, it’s fun though.